visceral anxiety

be cool

be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra

but im reaching out
i need to know you care
i need to know you care

be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra




did i trick you
i feel tricked
being aloof is a
state(ment) of my

be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra
be cool be cool be cool be cool be cool mantra



but im reaching out
are you there God
it’s me…{     }

new tech

snapchat suicide
notice
testing emergency broadcast systems

no one can hear it on
                               line

if the internet had an alert
would it sound like a
primitive fax scream
would we ev
                 en
                     recognise
                 it
blue screen gif virus
90s style

im already archaic
pecking gorilla glass
eyes

saturn

i say im always joking

but im really half

/serious

she said 

poking 

her finger thru 

yer smoke rings

i cant see

she said am i

expected to touch everything

her feet dragging a

long mislaid tile

i wanted to en

title my book please

kill me but it

s already taken

at a high pitched shrill

the problem is arch

iving 

&

shes the one poking

more holes in

smoke rings

/w

wreathed saturn eyes

i cant feel

am i ex

pected to?

boogie men

you traded yer time piece
for buddhist beads
after stock went down
to the boogie men
underground

how is autocorrect interpreting yer
dreams of houses and children
like a terrance malick movie

pretty & empty
pretty    empty

hollow men ride in towncars
to synth sounds

beasts roam purple mountain majesties

yer just
yer just
getting started

el sebae

the illusion of choice
is livin in the suburbs
we standin over corpses
from thousands of miles away


you buried her image
with yer own hands
around oxygen molecules


a cat walkin
o’er sewer grates
prayer calls
o’er skype 
international ambulance sounds


does medium
does interface
change craft
methods of output
get out that internal
trade regulation


eternity is boring
you sighed last breaths of something
as 

a cat walks
o’er sewer grates
as a murder of crows
perch on high tension lines…

post 2013

2013 hangover
you grab at empty bottles of craft beer over
crumpled designer wrapping paper
once concealing a retractable ski case & scotch rocks


she said she’ll ride in on the year of the horse
she said w/o speaking of

distance

of miles
between past geographies

its easy to see that crazy raises

hell

yer not finished
you still gotta
age & die & clutch yer knees to yer chest

subtext

a lot of us are having conversations without words
digital subtext data
digital subtext data
we arent speaking
we are looking
we are creeping
my voice has never been loud enough
submerged cities, lost cities
the ability
to maintain civility

stop looking @ nothing

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure fer sure

and those people are gone
and those people are gone
and those people are gone

the past does this
it rolls out behind

i know im…repeating myself
but im stepping into the future with you, now, now, now
happy new year
it’s the 2nd and im stoned and i am afraid to go back
but i am afraid to stay here

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure fer sure

everything has been stirred
whipped back
foamy froth memories in cool gray air, in cool gray landscapes
i think i cant breath
i think i am having another anxiety attack

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure

mandy

my love expands out from me
& just as quickly recedes

my love is misunderstood
           misinterpreted
                        (to be exclusive)



dont be so selfish with my love

                                 i would like to touch your tangle of gold
                               i would like to smooth away the tightness in your temples
                                   i would like to do...w/e you wanted w/e yer into

i am muddled i am lost
i am so
       small

it's taking longer than i thought, but ill get there, well get there

incarceration

an emptiness // a lacking // the absence of substance // null
                                   「　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　」　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
you can count all the things you have the list rolls out before you on dead paper // an incomplete archive its so　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                  long
people remind you to mark a plus where it counts; but; but; but;

an emptiness // a lacking // the absence of substance // null
                                   「　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　」　　
you can reach back into the past the list rolls out before you on dead paper // an incomplete archive its so　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　


                                                                                                                  long



people remind you what to do, to do, to survive; but; but; but;

an emptiness // a lacking // the absence of substance // null
                                   「　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　」　


& we are all racing, einstein said something about the imagination being limitless, but so is the void

JW14

you took a gen ed course
"death and dying"
to get over yer lovers suicide

diagrams & Kübler-Ross & the Tibetan book of the Dead & class discussions
all up on the board

at night yer drownin
in greyhounds & ashes
slicin yer teeth on lemon rinds

a friend takes you aside:
hey
...hey
that was nearly 2
years ago
and yer still yer still
wat
a roy orbison
song she said

 erry time you feel like it's time to punch a hole in the card
(erry day // erry day)

their name comes thru your spine to yer mouth // taste of discarded life

you took a gen ed course
"death and dying"
to get over yer lovers suicide

statistics & green ways to bury a body & make a body a gem stone & class discussions
all up on the board

at night yer drownin
in PBR & a shot special
slicin yer eyes on lucky strike smoke

a friend takes you aside:
hey
...hey
that was nearly 4
years ago
and yer still yer still
wat
a lana del rey
song she said

                  but
                 erry time
                          erry time their name comes up thru yer spine to yer teeth
                                                                         you know yer not ready
                                                                         to meet//be a
                                                                         ghost just yet