stop looking @ nothing

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure fer sure

and those people are gone
and those people are gone
and those people are gone

the past does this
it rolls out behind

i know im…repeating myself
but im stepping into the future with you, now, now, now
happy new year
it’s the 2nd and im stoned and i am afraid to go back
but i am afraid to stay here

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure fer sure

everything has been stirred
whipped back
foamy froth memories in cool gray air, in cool gray landscapes
i think i cant breath
i think i am having another anxiety attack

i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing

i always told you i was nothing

we are nothing now fer sure

mandy

my love expands out from me
& just as quickly recedes

my love is misunderstood
           misinterpreted
                        (to be exclusive)



dont be so selfish with my love

                                 i would like to touch your tangle of gold
                               i would like to smooth away the tightness in your temples
                                   i would like to do...w/e you wanted w/e yer into

i am muddled i am lost
i am so
       small

it's taking longer than i thought, but ill get there, well get there

fb

im looking at yer friends list
we have 12 mutual
listen
we aint even friends on the internets
i dont understand
love
and im drunk again

sweetness

it takes a spoonful of sugar to make the love go down
b/c after being sold all that high fructose love
we arent used to the disappointing reality of something pure
something w/o artificial sweetening

fish out of water

it’s always twisting and flopping 
a near dead fish
can breath inside my heart
…but
i think he is finally working his way out

indefinite seasons

he is the north east

tough and hard

cruel and cold

unforgivable beautiful winters

snowing january birthdays 

brutal summers

blue   summers

holding hands to fate

she cut off the red ribbon for him

 he cut off the line 

they jumped ship

they took care

to solidify salted wounds

push it back to start

the blue line of time

cold december love lap sitting

hold her in your arms

before it is too late

warm august walks hand holding

split open split open

her wounds are split open

from so far away

        far away oceans; mythical peoples

day sleep; visits on the dream plane; houses we haunted as children

compassion is not a sign of weakness

forgiveness is not a sign of defeat

2.21.13

love comes in waves but i would rather it  be a constant gentle whirring

a white noise humming; gently lulling everyone

to forget its presence

              there under the surface

helping us sleep or relax or live 

love poem march 21.2012

i wanted to write you a poem
i wanted to tell you
from across the water
from this rock to the other
that it was
not true
but i could not
and you could not
and you can not

i wouldn’t know what else to do
but write these lines broken with words
b/c i am not good with words
i am not good with anything
my heart or yours

i wanted to write you a love letter
into the screen and onto yours and i don’t even know if
you
open
my emails
but i wanted to be with you in the north
and i wanted to live with you in the north
and i wanted to love with you in the north

i can only write
badly
me:
a castaway
a castoff
and is this a love letter

your body is like a ghost in mine
and i can not let it go
my mind visits you in my sleep
i visit you in my sleep
and we are happy in my sleep
we are together in my sleep
we are not lonely and sad
in my sleep

is this a poem
is this a love poem

is this something that you will read

i can not know

i was walking across a highway on a blue bridge and i thought of you
my eyes keep getting hot and they burn
and i have not been able to be happy
since you’ve decided this
the worst fate
was so sudden

is it love yet
is it too long
have i changed your mind

i have been on this rock for 3 months
and i want to be back in your long arms
in the longest arms of love

internet relationship irl

you let me be what i am on the inside
that i can't be on the outside
how many hours have we spent together

looking at lists
of data

i stroked keys to get
the right results

you held my hand
while i held myself

made me infinite playlists
lent me part of your audience

introduced me to strangers
and sometimes creeps
but it's not your fault
that you attract a certain type

we are so intimate
like the earth & its galaxy;
      a galaxy & its black hole;
     this mass & the universe.

LYL

IJWTS

AAMOF LTA

♥♥♥♥

2NYT 4U:

A&F IOW, ADED IOW, AIMH IOW, ITALY IOW, LUWAMH, IOW LYTD

♥♥♥♥

/THREAD

3 am love poem Fri 18 May

she made it so she destroyed it
we were at her mercy of suggestion
love happened at their surprise

you’re ghosting me around the city at the corner of 10th and Reed
my own house holds your ghost
slipping an arm around my shoulders on the couch
i stumble around my kitchen and fumble for
missing knives

sleep is elusive at this hour
working off of quinn’s table
wiles is under the impression that love still exists
he said he saw true hearts in ours
working in a wild way
like the weeds growing from plastic blue buckets in my concrete back yard

love

love WILL tear us apart again
b/c it’s that word
4 letters

so heavy

like

fuck/cunt/hate

i think love is the heaviest 4 letter word
and it will tear us apart underneath its pressure

of connotation
false connection
entrapment;

words are both neutral bodies of symbols and boxes at the same time