jw13

maybe i am ready
to go with you
and it's telling when the heaviness hits
b/c i write about myself and you and the past 4 years

your arms told me we are ready to leave the party
your mouth in a dream
the eyes you had when you were happy

my whole body hurts
and i dont have any money again
i made a lateral move to the other side of the world
crying onto my keyboard

the heaviness
your blue is a heaviness that i had on my shoulders
and some times it's a lightness
of knowing that you appear in the dream plane
or maybe i died a little in my sleep
on this island country of rock and fault lines and helpful strangers in suits

but i am ready to leave the party
b/c you left before me
and it still hurts a little less each day; a little more others

time doesnt actually heal anything
i want you to know this
b/c a memory can be released so easily
and with little cause

a breath into neurons
a flash of litmus paper

i remember them all & the pain

i googled his name for the first time in years
johnny weir whispered it into my ear

you're having a baby; after claiming infertility & expressing a lack of interest
i wonder if you still write but i can't find any evidence that points me there

you are my ex lovers
and my heart is an elephant