camping with hemingway

im with ernie hemingway
in the lonely boat
too bad im not a drunk
ive got the paddle
and ernies got a drink
we are on the delaware
and ernie tells me he hates the east coast
i shrug my shoulders
and ask, should we go tubing instead
he shrugs back and shakes his head no like a turtle in a woolen sweater
youre no fun ernie
and i rock the boat

later we were catching shad
and ernie was smoking
i said
hey do you really hate women
and he shrugged and did his turtle gesture
he said
natalie
humanity
is complicated and ugly and beautiful
men & women and everything else
at that moment he caught a fish and we put it into our bucket of 2 others
now 3
we were done fishing

ernie had another drink after insisting on putting up the tent
at the campfire after our meal of fish and potatoes
he looked stern
and less like a turtle in the camp fire light
he told me a story about spain
and then said
but everything is shit: anyway
it was my turn to do a turtle impression
and i said
you're no fun ernie

jw13

maybe i am ready
to go with you
and it's telling when the heaviness hits
b/c i write about myself and you and the past 4 years

your arms told me we are ready to leave the party
your mouth in a dream
the eyes you had when you were happy

my whole body hurts
and i dont have any money again
i made a lateral move to the other side of the world
crying onto my keyboard

the heaviness
your blue is a heaviness that i had on my shoulders
and some times it's a lightness
of knowing that you appear in the dream plane
or maybe i died a little in my sleep
on this island country of rock and fault lines and helpful strangers in suits

but i am ready to leave the party
b/c you left before me
and it still hurts a little less each day; a little more others

time doesnt actually heal anything
i want you to know this
b/c a memory can be released so easily
and with little cause

a breath into neurons
a flash of litmus paper

i remember them all & the pain

i googled his name for the first time in years
johnny weir whispered it into my ear

you're having a baby; after claiming infertility & expressing a lack of interest
i wonder if you still write but i can't find any evidence that points me there

you are my ex lovers
and my heart is an elephant

nostalgia is the real bitch

hits reset back to 91

who could have foreseen the smart phone
in rape cases

i worry for teens these days
nostalgia for a decade unremembered
but there was something simple...quaint
about a vhs trailer and an answering machine
having your own phone line and a beeper was tops
a cigarette at the diner with a coffee and a pizza bagel if you had the cash
no one could contact you if you didn't want them to
and cnn was a reputable news organization(?)

before kids were shooting each other at schools
and the subsequent issue of id tags and metal detectors in mine

we cut class at an abandoned house
and smoked rings around the yellow wall paper
we walked over to video thrills
and stole all the vhs horror flicks
we drove in a honda accord with a sunroof and a joint
and had bonfires outside at the farm house
and it was 99 for columbine and we all waved goodbye
to what we knew

and who could have seen the future
as it unfolds from the front and behind:
a roll of red velvet trimmed with cerulean silk & a polyester paisley print chartreuse bottom)

3.23.13

incredible surreal night mare that was kazo
the train ride wasn't so bad on the way back
japanese people politely looking at you
or not so politely
this is a free write and i am tired
exhausted out of my wits

i miss a beard and hair

i miss a brown eyed smile

but here i am
on a rock
and i have a friend and it's good they put me near my friend. he is very helpful but hides things like a squirrel.

women are beautiful and confusing
i am beautiful and confused
i am not used to this key board and installed classic shell b/c windows 8 blows.
but this toshiba is ok.
dang sony
you pulled the wool over my eyes
but that vcr still works
what a brand

i am tired
exhausted out of my wits

hey guys the internet is getting real good at telling me what to watch on youtube
let's not ruin it

chapter 11 of dorian gray is the best chapter
i am sitting in the dark in yokohama
with my money and a stuffed penguin
i did not go to roppongi