you had a cat that kept gettin
out
would always come home with fleas
but ugh
you bombed that house
over and over
out of love for that damned feline

I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I dont care about your autobiography
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I cant sleep in my bed
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
You dont love me
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement
I decided to lay on the pavement

junk food

i wanna reeses yo
drink?
iced tea in a can*
kickstarter usa
track team cant run the hurdles

ambient engine // turn // over sounds
im livin sum kinda dream
if it's american or not idk
ambient siren // stream // over sounds

i gotta 1.60 in change
enough to buy
2 snacks from the corner store
or one tamale

ambient engine // turn // over sounds
im livin sum kinda dream
if it's american or not idk
ambient siren // stream // over sounds

and we ambivalent observers
hors d'oeuvres
pass the spinach balls
and the gruyere next

ambient engine // turn // over sounds
im livin sum kinda dream
if it's american or not idk
ambient siren // stream // over sounds

can i get a diet coke
make sure it's canned
kickstarter usa
track team cant run the hurdles

*the wire (2002)

this is not a poem

dry ice explosions at LAX; flights delayed no one harmed
i said it before but ill say it again:
let's eject the waltons & rave in their bunker

this is not a poem
this is not a poem
the other day you watched youtube videos
about neo liberalism // social marxism // &self immolation

mormons make the best murderers
but we all know that technology can get your groceries
for free (not a song from the 1980's)

this is not a poem
this is not a poem
the other day you watched youtube videos
about geomancy // the prison complex // &ufo's

senate may come to a decision & avoid default
while the NSA collects address books
i'm still about that party in the walton's bunker

this is not a poem
this is not a poem
the other day you watched youtube videos
about existentialism // necromancy // &quantum physics



...this is not a poem

so you try to fill it up
to avoid it
with new pants
mundane tasks
talking with friends
&
bad action movies

but it nags & gnaws

emptiness /w loss
             compounded
          /w interest

future shock

pixel data heart
pixel data thumbs up
technology moves forward
and bb i got future shock

this one's fer you

technology moves forward
to trap us in our past

millions of bytes of data all stored in a cold locker
technology gap // tooth smile

you see me smilin'
you see me winkin'
the pose is for you
the posture the posturing of confidence
                          of happiness
                          of face value

flip the coin and it's all heads
someone in a factory far away made this for you
to consume
and bytes aren(t) a slice
of life

krary muzak in the drug store
it's certainly not home
& you're probably away from everyone you love
but there are still potato chips and beer
there is still free streaming TV
and michael westen to keep you company
writing like jenny holzer or ben austin
is
impossible
but there's still beer there's still beer

fraud & torture

dollar store headphones
china turned the treble up
& forgot about the bass

from far away
things look...ok
it's only after close inspection
{peel back layers of PET}
    {tests are  made}
   {fraud fraud fraud}
   
/////////////////////////////////

stirring controversy is as easy as
as easy as
as easy as
saying something unpopular
and that can be distracting
fer sure fer sure fer sure

fer sure she said
don't torture yerself
thru
crunching candy teeth
chewing
the sound of chewing ice
in a quiet room
is torture enough
mechanical // mechanism //mecca

fer sure she said
don't torture yerself
thru
slit slice eyelids
scathing
piercing thru my back
is torture enough
mechanical // mechanism //mecca

fer sure she said
don't torture yerself
thru
vivid memory dreams
ephemeral
REM firing synaptic visual cortex
is torture enough
mechanical // mechanism //mecca

/////////////////////////////////

dollar store headphones
china turned the treble up
& forgot about the bass

from far away
things look...ok
it's only after close inspection
{peel back layers of PET}
    {tests are  made}
   {fraud fraud fraud}

government shutdown 10.1.13

the government had to pack up its office:

an arizona snowglobe

swingline stapler

uncountable paper clips

free calenders 3 months to expiry

fire sale for gov street signs

we fucked in the alley

& he swung from his tie

glinting flag pin

shooting rays of the sun

the government went home to its spouse:

sat grave on the couch

silent explanation

flipped the tv  

prerecorded breaking bad finale

cardboard box dinner

we played a show in the alley

& he swung from his tie

glinting flag pin

shooting rays of the sun

the government is having trouble sleeping:

repo men took away its memory foam

tosses turns rolls sighs

sweating for what was accountable

ceiling staring  

drop ceiling abyss

we smoked blunts in the alley

& he swung from his tie

glinting flag pin

shooting rays of the sun

frank ocean on repeat

frank ocean on repeat
japanese jehovah's witnesses
korean back up singers in a japanese production of the little mermaid
frank ocean on repeat
frank ocean youtube play list on repeat

every month my body dies inside
dead pool dead tired
frank ocean on repeat
japanese debate team
let's keep it professional
let's keep Minamata-byō
out of it

yer always confusing civility
                     for humanity
yer always confusing depression
                     for supression
                                    ...of rage
frank ocean on repeat

Letters to the Future

The latest ebook that I have completed. It features poems that are here, but edited and revised. Click the image above.

taste

tea party reactionaries
hold a woman's body hostage
on the delaware river
near washington crossing
the island group is erupting in fights
over who ate the last hot dog
and whether or not they should get mexican
...secretly
b/c eating a taco would support immigration

it's a matter of taste
which we all know there's no
accounting for
b/c the economists left the building
on their lunch breaks to get
a 5 dollar chinese lunch platter
in which the broccoli was over cooked
and anemic swimming in soggy general tsos

over the river in NJ guatemalans
are having a pizza party
they ordered from Giovanni's b/c
everyone in town knows they make the best crust
coors light cans litter patio bricks
and music plays from a radio
fading into a humid hazy summer sunset

depression

a suitcase you bring with you no matter where you go
maybe a little old
maybe blue
maybe red
maybe avocado
pebbled // cloth // plastic // old // new
you keep it with you

sometimes it sits in a basement
or
an attic
sometimes it's totally full and heavy
sometimes it's totally          empty

you can unpack it of all it's effects
but it's basic outline // shape // molding
sit in your  basement // closet// attic
           
                 




surface //  compartmentalised // permanent

doin the nasty

im doin the nasty           on the floor
im doin him nasty           on the floor
im doin her nasty           on the floor

the inevitable

the changing landscape of strip malls & suburban NJ:
that sushi restaurant used to be a suncoast video
and the pet store is now a bakery

space rendered from ply wood and concrete:
specific amount of square feet

the racetrack/fair grounds
that jessica kissed chad for the first time
were plowed over to build a concrete pool
with a walmart terrace

it could be said that this is a unique
phenomena in places like NJ
but we all know that's a lie

lynchian reality TV

david lynch made a reality show
& it's a competition

about some hobos near the dumpster
like mullholland drive
but real /w real boxes
to the vortex of chaos

whoever gets it open first
ends the world

playing the part

we cast a movie with cosplayers
cuz erryone know they the best actors

our costume budget is also way
down
cuz they bring their own

our makeup budget is also way
down
cuz they do their own

our writing budget is also way
down
cuz they write their own

the acting is of the same caliber
dont tell me johnny depp is better than the guy who cosplays
captain jack sparrow
at
erry convention

if you believe yer cut out fer the part
if youve already convinced yourself
you will convince strangers

canyons

we got sold that californian dreamin
but it's
just desert out there bb
malibu lyndsay
out there on the patio
out there in the palm trees
out there in the road sprawl

fb

im looking at yer friends list
we have 12 mutual
listen
we aint even friends on the internets
i dont understand
love
and im drunk again

past mid 2013

we all felt like ghosts
in 2013
the vast was mass coronary systems

& we were disconnected
in the ether
of 2013

warnings informed by fungal systems
ghosts are plants
underground 2013

physically we were scattered
but as ghosts
we were one mantilla
spread over 2013

swing swang swung sung

space print summer romper
jade green iris
we played capture the flag in a sawdust summer
then again
in the hills of the north east
{wet grass smell}

as a political act you stood
on the pitcher's mound for 8 hours
swing swang swung sung
...yer cicada summer blues

later fireflies danced in bell jars
ghost stories round the fire
the house we all knew to stay away from
bruised knee tent posts
{citronella smell}

as a political act you climbed
the tallest tree and threw down a knotted rope
swing swang swung sung
...yer cicada summer blues

...
checkered print table cloth
plasticware dinner spread
we played a drinking game
that went nowhere
& remembered scents of summer

is michael cera an asshole?

untethered

she likes the mundane qualities of real life
...there is beauty in the banal
a body type rarely photographed but most common is
included in her list of turn ons

she says:
fucked up teeth...
a symmetrical features...
anything that resembles a mar in perfection
that we are so used to being sold

...those are the things she likes
mundane qualities that have been normal for centuries
now ugly
now covered

she feels an affinity for the mundane qualities of life
of waking up
with a hangover
after a fantastic night of drinking

she wanted to to be attached to the world
academia, she says is removed from these qualities
ya'll is thinkin too hard
step outside
of the door of yerself
and into the mundane qualities of life
turn off yer phone
take a walk
she says: i doan wanna get didactic on yah, but hell

punk

you dont like quotes
derived from academic sources
that tell you what poetry's function is
or brechtian philosophy

you wrinkle your nose at readings
and ask your friend do u wanna go smoke a j in the alley instead
...that
this is all too sterile

when you read about a writing exercise
you shake yer head
and continue to write
no one's gonna tell you how to do it
or give you accolades when yer done

you get compared to bukowski
and scream that yer a woman who doesn't drink & that you hate cats
you get compared to slyvia plath
and shake yer head in disgust & say that yer out of instant coffee

lately youve been writing love letters to strangers that you never send
b/c someone has to do it

orange julius

when the patriarchy was getting her down
she went to the mall

...not to shop
b/c that was the part of the problem
but to have an orange julius & fried chicken

they were heaven
& though she knew processed foods were horrible for both her body
& the earth
she couldn't help but feel relaxed about the goings on in the world
in the food court between sips of heaven and bites of breading

...besides
she wanted autonomy over her own body
and if that meant drinking an orange juilius and eating chicken in cut offs
or holding her sister's 15 year old hand at the planned parenthood
...she would damned well do it

cultural death // a conversation about my childhood

i dont think i come from a place of love

: you were raised in the suburbs

: of nj

: death

: in an influential town

: cultural death

: theres no love in those places

: just caaaash

: and two faced fucks

futility

you stood outside the drug store for at least 45 minutes
b/c the toy machine captivated you
you fed it all the coins...continued to place plastic eggs one by one
in a line
atop the tiled concrete
as the natives stared
from their a/c cooled machines

...but by chance or fate
it never spit out what you wanted it to

belated 4th

it rained to smell like wet asphalt // green smells magnified
a polypropylene blue dvd case lay empty facing sky on grass
accentuated by droplets of rainwater
near atsugi airbase

it rained too much for fireworks
so the navy put them away
but didn't stop doing flight ops
for the 4th of july

i stood outside the 711 & ate a hotdog off a stick
later i read some angry anti 4th poetry
but...
i have the red white expat blues

independence is not synonymous with freedom
imperialistic rivers still have a strong undercurrent
pulling pulling

& america yer a manifestation of cultural appropriation
nothing is inherently unique about you or american
unless yer lookin down at the blood on yer hands
but...
i have the red white expat blues
and i keep writing love letters to you...

letter to obama

dear obama
im not a criminal
and have always paid my taxes on time, if not early
so could you please stop using my money
that i earned from a terrible life as a CSR
to perpetrate criminal acts and the erosion of the constitution?
thnx
~n

font face fascism

a college professor argued with a poetry student over fonts
the student preferred courier new:
each character uses the same amount of space, therefore making it the most egalitarian of all fonts
at this argument the professor crinkled her nose
and said she preferred arial...for no particular reason at all
to which the student screamed silently
...fascist

sweetness

it takes a spoonful of sugar to make the love go down
b/c after being sold all that high fructose love
we arent used to the disappointing reality of something pure
something w/o artificial sweetening

bringing nothing to the table

she brought nothing to the table
at the vegan potluck
even though katie had specifically requested her famous almond brownies
it was almost as bad as bringing something made with eggs or gelatin

...almost
...after all she was known around town as the "best vegan baker"

when asked all she did was shrug her shoulders
when pressed she invented an elaborate excuse
about excessive student loan debt and a shady ex gf
& this was enough to be forgiven
for not bringing anything to the table

...

___ is ephemeralality exemplified
b/c
___
//
always looses work
always looses everything
too many moves
tom omany dead hard drives
___ aint hanging on to haikus ___ wrote in the 90s
all the evidence of ___ life ___ has is in ___ parents east coast basement
when they ask ___ what's wrong ___ says ___'s just tired
b/c ___ tries and fails to separate
to become a ghost
to be unaffected
by the big big world
an reading other poets makes ___ wanna cry or quit // validation forthcoming for death

waves

errythin comes in waves

//

some ppl can ride that wake forever

eternally coastin on a crest

//

some ppl get washed o'r

eternally breathin salt fer air

//

& some ppl get under or over

depending on the tide

nostalgia haiku

do you remember
hash tags were called a pound sign
apps applications?

backpedaling

even a child will tell you that backpedaling gets you nowhere
if you have a purple bike with a rainbow banana seat and streamers it may even come to a halt
occasionally it's good for coasting
but during an uphill ride
switching gears most certainly helps...

dear america

dear america,
i love you
but yer turning my stomach
what is actually happening behind that curtain // who is payin who ??
i already said we payin wit somethin
but this is too much
...rly

i love you
i love that a bunch of rich guys didn't wanna pay their taxes
and founded you
i love that the civil rights movement of the 60s
gave way to a lot of change
but we backpedaling bb

what's happening to you ??
where is my voice
can you hear me from japan ??

dear america,
i love you
but
c'mon
america,
yer like that guy at the party that everyone's afraid of so they're nice to him but it's only cuz he's one giant throbbing muscle
america,
yer like
this chick i knew who promised to beat me up after school and never showed but i still sat nervously waiting

america,
i love you
pls stop it

fuck the past
im lvin in the future
evn if i have to listen to 8 hours of ocean sounds
on youtube
to fall asleep

StairMaster

at the gold's gym
in the locker room
monica told me she liked the StairMaster
she said it reminded her of her own futility
climbing erryday to nowhere
and that she didn't mind being reminded
b/c it produced the ass she'd always been looking for
she also confessed to me that she had 8 gym outfits
coordinated with her nikes
& that one time she had fucked her trainer in the spin class room
...even though he was sexy, she said, she still thought of her ex
so she's clmbing them stairs to nowhere
away from her past towards a nice ass

ru dedicated?

////////////////////////////////////////////////

“exceptionally sharp mind//tremendous energy//absolute dedication to mission”

////////////////////////////////////////////////

ru dedicated to our mission to dupe the populace?
we are building a massive surveillance machine and we want to know//ru dedicated?
we cant afford to hire any more snowdens or mannings, clrly...
the mission is simply this: it will come out in the wash//but right now//we can't afford transparency
if you are dedicated
we can pay you
all you need to sacrifice are ideals
which are just uhm...ideas
they arent uhm...tangible
unlike cash, unlike you and your commitment to this agency

////////////////////////////////////////////////

"As legal adviser to the National Security Council, Ms. Haines, 43//studies the legal implications of the most delicate operations
//lethal drone strikes, cyberattacks and intelligence collection on American soil."

////////////////////////////////////////////////

ru dedicated to our mission to dupe the populace?
we are building a massive surveillance machine and we want to know//ru dedicated?
we cant afford to hire any more snowdens or mannings, clrly...
all we need you to do is say large//empty//words
the trick of speaking a lot but saying little
we noticed that you have a knack for it back in the 90's at harvard law, we saw you there
...and at the "erotica nights" your bookstore hosted
if you are dedicated
we can pay you
all you need to sacrifice is your time
but as established
we want the semantics

////////////////////////////////////////////////

"citing the investigation into leaking of information about the federal government’s sweep of telephone and Internet data under a law passed after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks"
false flag attacks flyin in the wind, it takes 10 yrs to set the stage
side: bj franklin wanted the national bird to be a turkey b/c eagles were mean ass opportunistic feeders//think about THAT alternate reality

////////////////////////////////////////////////

he's gotta thumb drive and we takin him out
ru dedicated?

one night

“i felt you so much today”
laying on my back on a ply wood futon in a love hotel
snags in galaxy print wallpaper from the 80s
sure i got what i wanted
but did i get what i need
venture a guess
…venture a guess

you payin wit somethin

faux dual party system
neo barbarians c/r/i/n/g/e @ transparency

we got lead in this pocket
and we walking into the ocean

free write battle ship down // tell me who you werkin fer
                           // george carlin conspiracies
type a, type b            //both the same type

we workin under an illusion of choice
& how much longer till the barrel bursts over the falls
neglected fossil fuel debate

get liberal all you want
....but
it's to keep you sated
neo barbarians speak in dollar signs bb
art made in the 80s is still relevant but now more expensive
free///free///free
the /// to pay attention
you payin attention // you payin wit somethin
what's yer sign bb? i told you i cant fuck with that

atsugi naval air base

helicopter bay breeze
noise pollution // fighter jet streams // she can't hear the lesson
wind // grit   //eye
kicked up     // dust fields
for lack of money                    // for gravel
middle of nowhere                   // mcdonalds
beacon                             // golden arches

she said she's a recorder
she found the words              // events: "im just takin notes"
we held hands in the gymnasium
friendship sails                // billow

even wild flowers grow outside of atsugi naval base
nature will run the course:
8's around orange cones and trip wire

perspective

you tole em i was crazier than you
it COULD be true
but ima venture that
well
no
it's not true
im just italian

ian

what happened to you

...you taught me how to use an ampersand

& google tells me you're in alaska with a baby

our child was never born but i got that ampersand

and i wanna thank you for it

interview

a: welcome to my office, just to be clear, im not an 'ist
   ...make sure you buy a coffee or else they won't let you loiter in this japanese mcdonalds
   please...have a seat
   i won't oversimplify it for you
   b/c let's face it, i can't:
   at one time the writers were tearing it asunder
   nothing made sense after all that mustard gas
   now there is writing // mass confessionals about "chicks" & "dudes" // technology imp(rove)airments?
         critical mass // intellectually driven poems                 // can i take you back?
to the romantics      // people were dying //                    was // is poetry an elite practice?
i already mentioned my friend mister keats...
yes...of course i knew him...ima god

...but...who...the...fuck cares?

b: ok...

a: so...you got the job if you want it!
   ...i want YOU to be accessible but not confessional, readable but not breathable...
   the poet for the masses
   let me show you over to HR
   it's just that table over there

c: i see you have your papers in order, all points of identification have been verified...welcome...welcome...
   what's that, yer not sure you want the position?
   don't let this mcdonalds fool you, we have an excellent benefits package
   we just don't like to accumulate space, eh, it's hard to explain but try this, i'm here for your benefit in a material form
   i occupy all space and time, but at present // this moment i occupy THIS space and time // dig?
   legit...legit?!
   of course i hear your concerns
   but i assure you...no you don't want to go with PAAU // i promise this is the best outfit in town...

too hot

"maybe it's just getting too hot..."
she said; lips blowing off "smoke" from finger tips of a mock gun hand
"it's a murder suicide and no one seems to notice
they would notice if...
they would notice if..."
her body swayed in 10 inch electric blue foam platforms
perfect hot pink toe nails peeking out
& her gun was safely put away in her imaginary vault
"you know when i was still fresh from that wound...i was reincarnated on a walk through rural japan
...timeless smells spoke to me...
...timeless spells evoke in me...
...timeless shells awoke of me..."
she is teetering to reach a book
"but maybe it's just getting too hot...
warring pacifists...peaceful war...what are war crimes anyway...the whole thing is a crime"
dragon smoke nostrils flared, a scent of nat sherman havana ovals: "the only thing i smoke"
slender non nonchalant turn page fingers
she finds a passage she likes on pg 69 of the diary of anais nin and reads:
"The core of us is an artist, a writer...it is in our work...that we reassemble the fragments, re-create wholeness...
a gentle sigh, a murmur from pink pillow lips:
...but right now it's just too hot"

malfunctions

the beauty of being invisible//doing anything//writing anything//being anything but visible
         &
  it's just a machine
iffu press the right buttons//know the right code//it will surely malfunction
bb we at the height of artificial super areality
     perfunctory reactions // if it was a choice then surely ______ would // stop
one off press
peeling nose skin from sun exposure


...up//up...


the beauty of being invisible//doing anything//writing anything//being anything but visible
         &
  it's just a machine
iffu press the right buttons//know the right code//it will surely malfunction
bb we at the precipice now
          no matter iffu do//that heroine jig//saw puzzle
jack lit press
expensive debt yoke from academic exposure


...down//down...


the beauty of being invisible//doing anything//writing anything//being anything but visible
         &
  it's just a machine
iffu press the right buttons//know the right code//it will surely malfunction
bb we in the face of transparency aparati
   neo barbarians barking //at our heels//'neath a perigee moon
null lit press
minor pains from world exposure


...over//over...

nsa

fish out of water

it’s always twisting and flopping 
a near dead fish
can breath inside my heart
…but
i think he is finally working his way out

denials r us

“Wolf says the park’s music never stopped playing as security surrounded the trash cans where the bang came from and told visitors they were evacuating.”

b/c the band must play on

at the theme park, near the pink castle, the recorded band played on through explosions

...and trials of tribulations
...and broken hearts
...and reality
there's no shutting off that eerie hollow sound
from cables underground
b/c who doesn't need/want that sweet sweet saccharine

denials r us
runnin the whole town
q: how’s the weather
a: well tom… it’s been strange
   dry areas more dry   (on fire // on fire)
   wet areas more wet   (floods //   floods)
   & the middle...well the middle is fucked

transmission emissions
let's fraq'er bb
but the problem with this particular rape is that humanity it its own victim

ima write a letter to the future and to the girl hidin her face behind her bloggin experiment

b/c the band must play on

at the grocery store, in the milk aisle, the recorded band played on through the gun fire

...and trials of tribulations
...and broken hearts
...and reality
there's no shutting off that eerie hollow sound
from cables underground
b/c who doesn't need/want that sweet sweet saccharine

D&D die

let's talk about the digitalized literature argument
unraveling...

b/c it's all ephemeral bb
and if great literature is timeless why are there so many footnotes?

at the same time people were writing for posterity
...other people were not

this has been the case since before print
popular fiction is not always: literature is not always popular
see: faulkner (oop before the pocket version)
that's my favorite reference for literary popularity
and im p sure that dickins was trying to write accessible popular fiction

so the argument is null
there has been & always will be the d&d die with many sides; it's still one die:
a rectangle is not always a square but a square is always a rectangle, dig?
how presumptuous to think that a reblogged poem means it wasn't read or that it meant nothing to the reader
do you even know what a reblog is?
it means you actually like something enough to put it on your own blog
...damn gurl

how presumptuous to think that b/c information is disseminated digitally that it will result in the death of the story
puh leeze gurl puh leeze
the spread of information is a good thing & ppl are still takin their damn time

what is it anyway if not meant to be consumed (en masse or not)
i gotta get this out and it might mean it's not like 26 years, but it could be
i could be marguerite duras and write the same fucking story of my life over and over again
...but you wouldn't know

ultimate fallacy word = "only"
don't use it; scrap that it hurts yer argument bb

i see you lookin, i know yer curious
i have a god dammned stat counter
i write about anything
today, tumblr, google, gun control, and there's nothing to stop me
not even you
...i say this with love
b/c you opened the door when i wasn't even knocking

i will say this: great stories, poems & literature stay in the human consciousness for a reason: it's b/c fiction can tell a certain truth that reality will never tell

impairments

orwellian solar flares // google
abstract money game // ground floor populace
"this is the only time in the global economy that no one is doing well..."
well...

geographical impairments
micro sd card memory data
greecian malaria urn
quit techonolgy cold turkey

abstract money data
"...ima sepratist"
good luck with that babe...
basic needs are concurrent
and if you dont find that helpful
i suggest a looking glass

BBC 4-6 am EST (5.8.13)

//james holmes was not insane
but organized
//trusted pkk fighters may lay down; holding a cease fire (1st since 78)
//future hospitals /w eno soundtracks
//markets are up
homeowners are making payments on time...for now
//the neo barbarians are running south africa
//heroin is cheap in afghanistan; 1 rock could feed a family of 4 for a week
//embryos grown from extinct species
//neighbors shocked by 3 found women & causes existential crisis
"evil and innocence are thrown into ever sharper relief" --BBC reporter
//chemicals used on house pets and their waste are killing sea animals
but no one cares b/c those animals aren't cute or trained to play pianos
our complex eco system without sea creatures is a sad place
//plastic island ocean
//PS those poor poached elephants
china says, "african problem"
but they be buyin'

isp memory hook

a memory too good
& google access
she stared at the picture for a good 20 minutes
adjusted the calibration behind her eyelids
it was still there
in a thousand pixels
on a high refresh rate

access to any
name
connections never severed
2013
internet persona on repeat
a skipping hd disc platter

mystery isp
narcissistic stats
looking for...the one...that got away
b/c of love
b/c of love
b/c of lies of love

wtf

'neath the weight of black mass

back alley url
get out yer hang (her)
steroid // sociopath // ego
crusssssssssssssssssssshing
'neath the weight
of black mass

revelations revel // ignorance
"why can't i get any (dis) respect?"
you get what you give
cliche apparati
never learned tongues
i bow you bow we all say bow wow

monochrome injustices
spreading bee pollen butter
fungal (in)in(fect)communicado
staccato // wall sconces

paranoia princess
slumped asthmatic rhythms
chronic // depression // shortcircuits
crussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshing
'neath the weight
of black mass

near spoiled fruit

riding up the escalator revealed a silk screened shirt:
"they tell you to be yourself and then they judge you" -- ¥1890

ECT memory loss jolt
strapped into the memory machine

the past unfolds... unfolds... unfolds...
a victim of the past(?) or a party to the future(?)

near spoiled fruit always tastes the best
ancient rituals (re)appropriated for want of lack of spirituality
secular future stocks // speculated uprising

cell phone selfies
ephemeral data waste
flotsam styrofoam remains

 

Poetry Manuscript title will be "Letters to the Future"

news items

mixed signals
semi fore
pina fore
sign language
morse code
2 dashes one dot, but not S O S
an AP hacked tweet caused the market to dip
in venezuela they are banging pots and pans
why aren't you that angry
b/c tv
b/c entertainment
b/c consumption
let's hit those pans bb
the great firewall
collecting US intelligence from FBI databases
behind the red curtain
it's just capitalism
again...
massive give aways to giant corporations
paywall youtube subscription service
the money touches a blushed technology
market place fairness act
technology simplifies most processes
no issue the seller has to pay
i saw it all in HD today

Susan

in austin texas Susan sat on the ground to watch the sunset
and a burning sensation occured between her thighs
and that's how Susan discovered that texas has fire ants
stood up quickly & brushed off many

...Susan was reminded of a heat rash she had between her thighs
after returning from the desert
and thought "wow
wayfarers and aviator ray bans have been ruined forever"

as she pushed her own up to the bridge of her nose

later Susan was on the greyhound bus to Las Vegas
while she tried to get some rest she felt a hand on her thigh
Susan twisted around, flicked out her pen knife
...wild eyed, and said "Hey you wanna get stabbed"
creep went white eyed...retracted his hand
& went back to pretending to read a dean koontz novel
Susan switched seats

Susan was in las vegas walking the strip
thought...it was a good thing she only gambled with her heart and not something that counted
           ...like money
desert lights of adult paradise reflected in her ray bans, homages to perfect cities and circuses
endless concrete steps...to heaven

ima god

bb ima motherfuckin PotPOURRI too amazing for you to comprehend
i got my hand in erry motherfucking pot
cuz i got mult hands like Kali
with a foot on yer chest
and a head in my blue skin palm

bb ima motherfuckin ThroBbING reaction to errything
i got my my eyes on erry fucking continent
cuz i got mult eyes like Ophanim
with a wheel for yer angels
and a direct connection to the mother plane

bb ima nightmare to you InSECurIties & im feelin em out
i got my tentacles on erry fucking pulse
cuz i got mult feelers like Cuthulu
with a body prone to water
an ancestor of the stars

time as a rubber band

babe i just want you to know you aint speaking fer me
be careful wit them inclusive pronouns
babe you speak for you and i can relate
but you aint speaking for me
humanity wobble(s) // in between
           past   // future
the only creatures to count time
and its effect

babe i just want you to know you aint speaking fer me
livin an experience past and present is all to know
the rubber band snaps back
and it hurts the girl in 10th grade study hall
a memory she don't remember till an office job at 25

suppression is not something im interested in
babe i just want you to know you aint speaking fer me

nothing approaches more rapidly
than anything else
a minute is an hour is a day

...babe i just want you to know you aint speaking fer me

don't think i forgot all the terrible things you did bb
i just forgave you for em
held them in my elephant heart
heavy heavy
yer a repeat offender
and i should just give it up
give up your ghost
to haunt another

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

a decades long old teenage tradition
is dead:

papal word passing
replaced by shiny new machines
the machine is only as smart as its user
T: "chad read that text in front of the class"
C: "uhm...nothing to read..."
gets up and shows the teacher a picture of a fellow classmate in a compromising pose
chad gets a free pass to leave so the principal can collect information on the viral

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

there are two sides to your unlimited data plan
maybe more

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

teens were//are never innocent angels
their bodies are changing and so are their minds
brains LITERALLY pairing off unused synapses stored as children

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

in middle school in the 90s she got notes
things like, "i have a crush on you" or "i love you"; pencil heart margins
she didn't take selfies with an iphone
selfies with disposable cameras or an old 35mm cannon
a long process...

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

is now instant
stored data in swedish cold servers
forever forever
burial mounds of plastic data
buildings housing all yer selfies and texts and gmail chats and flickr accounts and facebook likes and blog posts...

passing notes is dead b/c i phones

4.28.13

she announced at the beginning of her creative writing class:
she was//is a marxist

no human being was more special than any other
no human being was different from any other
but then she gave some kids a C and some kids an A
nullifying her own argument

our basic needs are the same if that s what you mean ma m
food // health // shelter (gimme shelter) // love


and...


i m sitting
somewhere between ayn rand and karl marx
but it s an uncomfortable swiss made modernist chair
A: "is it the only chair we have in this gallery?"
B: "yes"
A: "shit..."

broke down systems
denim blue collar workers
how did jeans get so expensive?

she tugs on me
she tugs on me

A: "you re great"
B: "i m just average"
A: "you can be whatever you want"

telephone game:
oscar wilde whispers in my ear from beyond death
i got a paper cup tied to a string
he s saying something about decadence and walmart
but i can t quite make it out
fitzgerald chimes in and...
i say: babes we been here so many times
nitzsche is talking about eternal return and pinky twirls his mustache
ayn rand rolls her eyes... happiness is something you can buy
oppen just sits in the corner with william carlos williams
both blankly staring, refusing to play the game

A: "i love you"
B: "prove it"
A: "i can t"

intangible love lines
connected invisible blue strings
connected by data blood banks
mood dependent swing votes

people are all different and the same at once suddenly says oppen
and then i pass out

bb im yer beast
you been everything but merciful
bb im yer beast
you been everything but kind
bb im yer beast
and yer still on my mind

control

quick fix
it didn't hold up
in court
ppl are angry
ppl should be
misdirected house and senate bill a busters

"it's the chicago problem"
"it's the philly  problem"
"it's the oakland problem"

and you think...it's a human problem

but...when it happens in ct that's where we draw the line

controlled arms
from mental harm
long law arm
neo barbarians put on the best shows
quick get out yer popcorn
annie get out yer gun
the race to the quick fix has begun
they knew they wouldn't win
rigged/fixed/quick/fix/trix

deep deeper deepest
"money it's a crime"
kids knee deep
ignorant bliss
black & blue finger kiss

back up big gov you killed mlkjr and hundred of thousands of thousands of thousands (can i buy a 0; oh a vowel; sorry wrong game)

it's no slippery slope
it's a rope a dope dope

her stomach is a ball tightly wound into nothing; she holds a hand out...
neo barbarians walk past; pass control; pass go;
collect rent from board walk and mediterranean; don't forget the rail roads;
get out of jail free cards and yer a winner

mama i got the quick fix blues
& they is riding down my spine into my empty stomach
cough syrup symptoms of root issues

4.15.13 boston.iraq

today in boston
was like any other day in iraq
in fact the same day in iraq
was today in boston
but exponentially worse

middle /east
 north /east

weekly bombings

we are lucky our citizens are shit at bomb making
(don't mention drones)(back off obummer)

shit
today was bad

sectarian violence
well, we think mohammed did this
and they think he did that
we should kill each other

all fingers point domestically
tax day
yahoo defines false flag attacks
and gets it in on conspiracy theorists

suspect wearing hood; spotted near garbage bins; suburban apt complex raided

organized groups of people; reacting to enforced democracy; days before the beginning
series of car bombs killing 55
fourteen candidates killed

today in boston
was like any other day in iraq
in fact the same day in iraq
was today in boston
but exponentially worse

false intimations

the world is mine and you're just living in it
the world is hers and you're just living in it
her world is hers and she's  just living it

bby didn't i tell you about sand
didn't i whisper sand in yer ear
hard of hear
hard of her

i wasn't going to go here
b/c i have more important places to go
best we forget
lest we forget

that our tender feet need love
that our world is every one(s)
and no one(s)
so we best stop raping it
with false initmations of ownership

inexplicable insects

larva words born from flesh
hither tither
hither tither
into an ear and out a mouth
propagating against yer will
hither tither
hither tither

cicada words born from earth
17 years to resurface
to cover
to cover
the summer sounds of cicada words
clicking dancing sing song
to cover
to cover

mantis words devoured by lovers
mandibles camouflaged in prayer
she devours
she devours
no depth perception
words spinning backwards instead
she devours
she devours

honey bee words sweet humming
defending hive raiders
buzz fuzz
buzz fuzz
communicating pheromone words
spreading fruiting plant pollen
buzz fuzz
buzz fuzz

spider words spun from silk
tensile strength
tensile strength
over an entrance way corner
catching morning dew words
tensile strength
tensile strength

elitist BS (formatting in image files again and google docs and this is a draft) ok

NJ Prom

he wore his best ian curtis to the jr prom
she wore her best kim gordon
matching raspberry corsage pins
silver promise rings
'89 nissan sentra limousine

watched from the corner as the king and queen got crowned
taking sips from a flask hidden
in a bag as big as the atlantic
bumping molly in the bathroom

forgot(?) to book a room at seaside
with the rest of the kids
went under the bleachers instead
& talked until the sun came up
about dead writers and boys with eyeliner

spent the morning at the time to eat diner
tea & bagel toast /w butter and jam for her
onion rings & disco fries for him
went back to her mom's condo
& passed out on the couch to pbs
toes touching through socks

indefinite seasons

he is the north east

tough and hard

cruel and cold

unforgivable beautiful winters

snowing january birthdays 

brutal summers

blue   summers

holding hands to fate

she cut off the red ribbon for him

 he cut off the line 

they jumped ship

they took care

to solidify salted wounds

push it back to start

the blue line of time

cold december love lap sitting

hold her in your arms

before it is too late

warm august walks hand holding

split open split open

her wounds are split open

from so far away

        far away oceans; mythical peoples

day sleep; visits on the dream plane; houses we haunted as children

compassion is not a sign of weakness

forgiveness is not a sign of defeat

items in the works

item A: derivative species
she rolled her eyes back into the pink
"his music...is derivative"
no response from the peanut gallery
b/c it was in a facebook chat
and who has the time for that

...but bby we're a derivative species
there was someone doing it before you
we were all doing it before you
everything that has ever been tapped
...was tapped from humanity's existence

see: the water cycle; evaporation, condensation, precipitation, infiltration, runoff
human rivers; human oceans; derivative species
see: eternal return; amor fati; Kalachakra; Nietzsche

there's something beautiful about the beach and a grain of sand
you can ask oppen about that one


derivative///redundant elitism
bby we have crossed eons of time to be here
right now
to create
to breath
you do you i do me he do him and she do her
puh leez gurl puh leez




item B: neo barbarians; a drunk perspective
i get more google hits from neo barbarians than anything
well they're out there
and they're racist, homophobic, and wealthy

stop beatin on the system
stop beating up the system

stop...

im drunk again
and that coinage/paper controls
nam sayin
dig

item C: null
fuck your ennui
fuck your apathy
fuck your misogyny
fuck your misandry
fuck your capitalism
fuck your communism
fuck your war
fuck your peace

item D: the queen of dissolute dreams
it's the worst at night
when you try to connect the dots
{the why}
reality will never give it up, it became a pro at hiding truths and reasons after working for the US gov
be careful
or paranoia will run its course, straight through your veins; shot between the toes to avoid detection

there are fictions the mind creates
when it is racing at night
brass tax; it was his decision
despite what he may/may not have been told

fiction:
a stubborn milky woman sits inside the red den fat with animus
smokes lies like   a chimney
smokes lies into   his eyes
sits between two men in order to remain idle
they rub her milky bulbous feet and calves with divine loyalty////////out of love/fear
here/ far away/ below HER/ sits another woman
whose desire to be wanted can never be quenched\\\\\\\\\\whose self motivated needs outrun friendships
in fact there are 4 men and 2 women and THE woman

{after math}

he tells her words these words:
i like yer poem //baby
i miss you      //baby
i luv u4eva     //baby
before the massive palisade of silence was erected

it took him 3 days to build it out of match sticks: see fiction; see subterranean truths

thousands of miles apart
and people wanna tell them what love is
people wanna help her out with the trite spit:
you'll find someone better

...and don't you get it?
i don't sleep either fucker.

item E: internetz

so i wasn't hip
to alt lit
until about 20 minutes too late
and i get that literary pretense is just that
but i read/read a lot
i can't help being an information sponge
and it's all applicable really
from oscar wilde to william gibson
from oceans of sound and glass windows
slow erosion
a movement

i can listen to talking heads live from rome
as much as i like
i can't help playing a bit of a trick
i don't want to be mean
but none of you ever reblog my posts (alt lit press/meta knight etc)
and hitting the like button
is a nice gesture
but it doesn't bode well with me
you can hit that heart all you like

it don't mean you like
anything

i am coding html in notepad b/c tumblr made their interface an annoyance and so did microsoft

i'll tell you a story but you have to come close; it's a whisper, it's a shallow pond

when i was in 2nd grade mrs.funk showed me a haiku
and i was in love
i was in love with words
i got advanced placement
in math too
but numbers were always just clashing symbols and words were a symphonic arrangement
when i was a girlscout i always held the flag too long

i dont want to free write too much
but at least my writing is free
i hope i remembered to keep my old printed transcripts b/c my hard drives keep dying

the internet is ephemeral and when it crashes we will be crushed

item F: blasphemy

the easter bunny

hid the eggs but you colored them

...read the new testament

jesus didn't write it; his buddies did

and we all know how some friends can be

jesus was an aries; the ram

(i never got down with any personally

but there's still time

cuz i said goodbye to gemeni, taurus, sagitarius, capricorn, virgo, and leo)

hello pices

hello aries; hello jesus

i always thought jesus had great abs

but he's not the first guy to get crucified

and his story isn't unique

bill mahr will tell you that

haha

why am i writing this response

i was raised christian and i called bullshit pretty early on

our favorite game was stump the sunday school teacher

asking questions about gays and abortion

if god has a plan, what is it exactly? can i make installment payments? is there interest? compounded? or is it more like a 401k?

monotheism: one day "god" gets upset b/c none of the other gods wanna hang, but that's b/c he's kind of dick and kind of mean and well you get it

so he comes down to the earth, and meets up with moses, he keeps doing this every time the other gods are like

"god, would you at least be chill?

but god isn't a chill god

god's kind of like a teen boy that has a rape fantasy

god comes down again and says hey mary let's get it on, only thing is she's sleeping

but jesus was a nice guy, it's not his fault his dad is a dick

god came down a bit later and talked to muhammad (god likes the middle east for some reason he never made it over to india (shiva wasn't down with god))

god thought: well third time's the charm

and maybe god was right

camping with hemingway

im with ernie hemingway
in the lonely boat
too bad im not a drunk
ive got the paddle
and ernies got a drink
we are on the delaware
and ernie tells me he hates the east coast
i shrug my shoulders
and ask, should we go tubing instead
he shrugs back and shakes his head no like a turtle in a woolen sweater
youre no fun ernie
and i rock the boat

later we were catching shad
and ernie was smoking
i said
hey do you really hate women
and he shrugged and did his turtle gesture
he said
natalie
humanity
is complicated and ugly and beautiful
men & women and everything else
at that moment he caught a fish and we put it into our bucket of 2 others
now 3
we were done fishing

ernie had another drink after insisting on putting up the tent
at the campfire after our meal of fish and potatoes
he looked stern
and less like a turtle in the camp fire light
he told me a story about spain
and then said
but everything is shit: anyway
it was my turn to do a turtle impression
and i said
you're no fun ernie

jw13

maybe i am ready
to go with you
and it's telling when the heaviness hits
b/c i write about myself and you and the past 4 years

your arms told me we are ready to leave the party
your mouth in a dream
the eyes you had when you were happy

my whole body hurts
and i dont have any money again
i made a lateral move to the other side of the world
crying onto my keyboard

the heaviness
your blue is a heaviness that i had on my shoulders
and some times it's a lightness
of knowing that you appear in the dream plane
or maybe i died a little in my sleep
on this island country of rock and fault lines and helpful strangers in suits

but i am ready to leave the party
b/c you left before me
and it still hurts a little less each day; a little more others

time doesnt actually heal anything
i want you to know this
b/c a memory can be released so easily
and with little cause

a breath into neurons
a flash of litmus paper

i remember them all & the pain

i googled his name for the first time in years
johnny weir whispered it into my ear

you're having a baby; after claiming infertility & expressing a lack of interest
i wonder if you still write but i can't find any evidence that points me there

you are my ex lovers
and my heart is an elephant

nostalgia is the real bitch

hits reset back to 91

who could have foreseen the smart phone
in rape cases

i worry for teens these days
nostalgia for a decade unremembered
but there was something simple...quaint
about a vhs trailer and an answering machine
having your own phone line and a beeper was tops
a cigarette at the diner with a coffee and a pizza bagel if you had the cash
no one could contact you if you didn't want them to
and cnn was a reputable news organization(?)

before kids were shooting each other at schools
and the subsequent issue of id tags and metal detectors in mine

we cut class at an abandoned house
and smoked rings around the yellow wall paper
we walked over to video thrills
and stole all the vhs horror flicks
we drove in a honda accord with a sunroof and a joint
and had bonfires outside at the farm house
and it was 99 for columbine and we all waved goodbye
to what we knew

and who could have seen the future
as it unfolds from the front and behind:
a roll of red velvet trimmed with cerulean silk & a polyester paisley print chartreuse bottom)

3.23.13

incredible surreal night mare that was kazo
the train ride wasn't so bad on the way back
japanese people politely looking at you
or not so politely
this is a free write and i am tired
exhausted out of my wits

i miss a beard and hair

i miss a brown eyed smile

but here i am
on a rock
and i have a friend and it's good they put me near my friend. he is very helpful but hides things like a squirrel.

women are beautiful and confusing
i am beautiful and confused
i am not used to this key board and installed classic shell b/c windows 8 blows.
but this toshiba is ok.
dang sony
you pulled the wool over my eyes
but that vcr still works
what a brand

i am tired
exhausted out of my wits

hey guys the internet is getting real good at telling me what to watch on youtube
let's not ruin it

chapter 11 of dorian gray is the best chapter
i am sitting in the dark in yokohama
with my money and a stuffed penguin
i did not go to roppongi

2.21.13 thoughts on alt lit and poetry

i.

love comes in waves but i would rather it  be a constant gentle whirring

a white noise humming gently lulling everyone

to forget its presence

          its there under the surface

helping us sleep or relax or live

iia.

sometimes i wish i never went to college

i did this before college

and it’s not like college is responsible for my craft

it was like joining the most expensive book club known; with contests held every few weeks for written work on the read work and yeah; but more like swimming b/c that’s always a contest between yourself and the clock

iib. 

alt lit: it's hard to know/recognize sincerity (don't get me wrong; i love irony, but i find it hard/disengenous to pull off) 

alt lit: a warm embrace by a community of people looking for a voice amidst confusion

i have always believed that any one can write and read poetry

which makes it so beautiful

but of course i am speaking with bias

iii. 

w/e you decide to label it, poetry is embedded in humanity itself

we produced poems long before anything else

ancient rhythms/modern rhythms/post modern rhythms

all signifiers

to indicate a time, a cursor blinking on a line of data of human history

somehow i think we moved away from this

as a result of war and technology

but alt lit is a way to give poetry back to humanity

to bring it back to the vernacular

allowing the mundane/fascinating story of this century to be told

we live during simultaneous wars

i don't think the romantics ever could have imagined something more frightening than tuberculosis (the “a bomb”; “drones”; “aids”; “world war”; “famine”; “malaria”...et al)

iv. 

this is all i can do

all i have ever done

as long as i can remember

so...

v.

i want to write about love and triumph and defeat of neo barbarians

i want to write a love poem to your consciousness that you share with me

i want to write a love poem to the singular and the masses

i want to write to a world that doesn’t yet exist and make it into existence with my fiction

i want to tell a story of love and triumph

but i already said that

vi.

i was never comfortable with irony

in terms of audience reception

like do you think they’ll get it?

who cares says my other self;

they are 2 sides to one coin

for lack of a better metaphor

see: taoism

see: buddhism

the middle path

between darkness and light

epilogue:  

i have given away so many of my possessions and i always feel light weight afterwards

and i think some other girl will be able to wear that dress and feel confident like i did when i used to wear that dress

free writing 2.26.13

you know what phrase really grinds my gears?

"it's just business"

like ok
that's why we had to create ethics
if it were just as the phrase says
then there is no room for humanity
it is quantified as just business:
harsh and cold and just a way to turn a profit, the bottom line

them's the breaks
fist hired first fired

humanity turned itself into a commodity
by virtue of its own greed

isn't that fun?

it isn't any wonder that monotheisms had a rule about that
and buddha
and parshva

stepping back
to look at the colorful circus of our world
it isn't any wonder that people love capatalism;
this is mine,
i earned it,
i worked hard,
i have ownership b/c some bytes were sent hither tither to me as a result of hours i was at some place doing an assigned task...

yeah

i have nothing against work. i actually like it; when it's rewarding. isn't that the trick?
and you aint gonna find that reward at the bottom of the customer service barrel


but..

to hold onto possessions as if they aren't as ephemeral as our lives is...strange

i remember cleaning out my grand mother's possessions
she was a nurse during world war II
and her pictures were lovely
photographs of her and my grandfather and cocktail parties
she had lovely scarves
and i took some with me and some other things
but we still had to donate or throw a lot away

so sometimes all i can think of is the waste
but it's so much more waste than even my grandparents b/c of disposable/obsolete technology and plastics
i think of alien archaeologists digging into landfills and puzzling about the "humans that once lived here"
monuments to waste
waste mounds
ancient burial mounds of waste

2.21.13

love comes in waves but i would rather it  be a constant gentle whirring

a white noise humming; gently lulling everyone

to forget its presence

              there under the surface

helping us sleep or relax or live 

traditional blogging is tough

hey i promise not to forget about this space. it's just that sometimes this blank page in the blogger editor is overwhelming, but i am going to be better about it. until then here are some gifs i made: